Every Day, I Do

At Your Fingertips

The Day of Discovery

Jul 29, 2023

Many who uncover infidelity within their relationship can pinpoint the exact moment the betrayal was discovered. We call this the Day of Discovery.


The Day of Discovery is the day and moment when you either confirmed or learned of infidelity occurring within your relationship.


Let's take a look at the four possible stages:


 1)  Suspicion ( The Tip line): Webster's Dictionary defines suspicion as a feeling or thought that something is likely or true. This is the stage where many describe having a sixth sense in knowing an infidelity occurred in the relationship. It may be described as a knowing, a gut instinct, a thought, belief, or visceral sensing that something was amidst the relationship. At this point, there is no surety, only instinct or theory. Therefore, in this stage, there are rarely any decisive actions at this point as what you know is only emerging at this point. Information is coming in pieces and you still do not have the full story.

2)  Investigation ( Inspector): Suspicion fuels this stage of inspection and research. This stage often lends itself to heightened negative emotions. During this period, many begin investigating the data they have and begin researching ways to obtain more data. This can take many forms. It may look like sifting through receipts, phone records, travel logs, internet history, hiring a private investigator, etc. This stage can sometimes become a pervasive focus, obsessive in order to qualify the suspicions which are being instigated.

3)  Synthesis ( Make it Make Sense): Now in possession is the data that had been sought during the investigation stage. All the information is compiled and analyzed in order to make sense of the material information obtained. This will not mean that every question is answered, but what it does mean is that every detail will warrant a question as you attempt to conceptualize the knowledge you now hold.

4) Confirmation ( The Surreal Life): The details may not neatly come together still, but you know with some assurance that the evidence is pointing to the reality of a breach in your relationship. There may still be questions but there is enough information that has guided you from assumption to clarity in having gone through the Stages of Discovery. The facts are in hand and the reality of the situation you are in begins to set in. It is so explicitly real and so much that the reality feels unreal, surreal.


It is not important to go back to the Day of Discovery but rather to acknowledge its presence in order to see the demarcation in the areas of emotional health and injury in order to begin the journey of healing.

*For more information, obtain your personal copy of the book " Every Day, I Do: How to Rewrite Your Vows After an Affair



**If you need assistance with any of the information contained in this newsletter, you may seek out additional help through a licensed mental health professional or visit your nearest emergency room for crisis mental health services.

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